Waking up at 4:30 five days a week isn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be.


Now, if only I could get myself to go to bed before 11... then I'd be golden.

I went into Boston at the crack of dawn yesterday. Alright, not really the "crack of dawn" but I had to wake up at the crack of dawn (literally) to get there. Tripped and fell on the way to Dana Farber from the T stop. Tripped and fell two more times in a five minute period on the way back to the T two hours later. I hate wet granite sidewalks. The night before I was watching CSI with Courtney and the episode basically put me in a funk. So I wrote this while I was waiting for the train. I had a brain fart at the end, and the entire rythem is generally just off. Oh well. It helped get my mind off things.

--------------------------

Memories weigh me down
Flashes of skin and darkness
The feel of lips
The bitter taste of too much

Violation and betrayal
Broken trust
Cold concrete and hardwood floors
Panic

Whispers haunt my dreams
Faint mutterings of adoration
The sound of passion
The loss of consciousness

Manipulation and power
Stolen innocence
Empty bottles and shot glasses
Guilt

Dreams turn into nightmares
Friends become predators
The newfound fear
The loss of control

Manipulated by toxins and lies
Overpowered by spinning rooms and fading consciousness
Betrayed by trust
Violated by you

Panic
Outside - more cold concrete
Flashing lights
Recognition is a bag of bricks to the face

Memories weigh me down
Flashbacks transform dreams into nightmares
Whispers and lips and floors and hips
Unconscious passion

Memories sink my feet into the ground
Racing thoughts eliminate the desire to sleep
Empty bottles and lips and skin and hips
Unwanted passion
Violation

It's been forever and a day.

I don't even know if anyone still reads up on livejournal anymore. I periodically sign on to see if anyone's updated.


My life in a nutshell:

I met a girl. A fling ensued. She got back together with her ex. We still hooked up. She broke up with her ex. She got back together with her ex. We stopped hooking up but continued hanging out and flirting. Lots of mind games. Lots of shadyness. I don't like the girl anymore, but we're still friends.

I got a new job. Animal Tech at Dana Farber. Fancy job title for not so fancy work... I'm taking care of lab mice, basically. I get benefits and I'm on an annual sallary. Ha. about $30,000. For my complete lack of qualifications in the real world, it's pretty sweet. Took spring semester off from school. Starting back part time this fall. Slowly working my way back into being a full time student. SLOWLY.

It's amazing, shortly before I started hooking up with Leigh I started feeling this amazing sense of eurphoria. I attributed it to her presence in my life, but things with us didn't work out at all. She's kind of an immature douche. But I guess that describes a lot of girls. And boys. And people in general. Point is, I'm back to being alone, and I'm still feeling amazing. Better than I ever have in my life. It's like everything is falling into place right now. I'm spending more time with my family. I'm not in debt. Money's really good with me actually.

I make sure to always keep a positive attitude, mind my business, and refrain from judging people who have done me no wrong.

All these simple things, just make life so much better.

Being happy feels wonderful. Especially when it's not anyone's fault but your own. I think I'm ready for that second hedwig tattoo. :]

Say goodnight and go.
Woah woah. Woah woah

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner café
And then i'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home, you've got your headphones on and you're dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open
Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone...

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, i'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again
at my convenience
we'd be good, we'd be great together.

[Sigh]
Go!

Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go

Old racism isn't just sad...
the results are sometimes amusing.


Take Pinky for instance.
This movie was released in 1949 and depicted the story of a young black woman who could pass for white.
Racism was so prevalent they wouldn't even consider any black actresses to play the role of Pinky Johnson, who's supposed to be a light skinned black woman.

I must say, watching Jeanne Crain repeatedly pronounce herself as a negro was both awkward and wonderfully amusing.

to see really hot bi girls dating really ugly boys.

I don't know, just something about it.

...I get the shivers thinking about it. (seriously)



Don't tell me I'm shallow, I'm well aware of the fact.

I fucking hate all this unnecessary construction going on fucking EVERYWHERE right now.




Whoever sets the workers scheduals is a heartless bastard. 7 in the morning is NOT an ok time to start JACKHAMMERING on a residential street. Right outside my window. This is not a good start to my day.
I'm about ready to kill something.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all I am to certain people is a source of alcohol.
and a last resort ride when stranded.


I wish I knew how to say no. :-/

BUT! I get dumber when I'm in front of a camera.... so ignore the fact that my IQ seems to plumet. I suck at talking. You'll get over it.

Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence, a national youth movement protesting the silence faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by harassment, prejudice, and discrimination. I believe that ending the silence is the first step toward fighting these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today.

187 dartmouth st
boston

Last night was horrible.
I feel hungover, but I'm not.


I'm very annoyed at life right at this moment.

that's hot.

I think it's interesting how there are so many people who claim to be indeviduals and how they don't care what other people think about them and blahblahblah... and yet they change and avoid certain things and portraying certain images because they don't want to be considered "trendy" or whatnot.

I SAY, Do whatever the fuck you want. Wear what you want. Listen to what you want. Do what you want. Whooooo caaaaaarres if you look like other people? Who cares what image your portraying?

I'll be talking to Amber on the phone and she'll go on a rant about how pissed off she is because she can't wear a certain shirt anymore because she saw someone else wearing it one day. Or how something she likes has become a trend and she doesn't want to be a part of the trend.

Why does it matter?

"Well I consider myself to be different and unique."

Well... avoiding trends doesn't make you different. It makes you just like every other person who thinks the same way.

Clothing and music doesn't make a person who they are. Their personality and interests do

If I like something, I buy it, because I like it. Not because other people do or don't like it. If I look cute in something, I wear it. I don't say, noooooo.... it'll make me look like a sheep who's just following the trends.

I designed the deny me and be doomed one.


(paint fucks up my images when I save the file as a jpeg)

I'm in a school computer lab, and I got bored so decided to play around with the idea in paint. Roughly. That's what I'm going for. Back of my neck? Right shoulder blade? Still figuring out location and timing of when I'll be able to get it done.

I am making an appointment for the week my parents will be gone for tattoos... Which is less than a month away. March 2nd they're leaving. Coming home the 11th.

I finished the design for the Gnosis one. I've been sketching different versions for the last month or two and I think I finally got something I truely love.

I've been playing around with so many ideas lately... Ahhh, I can't wait till I'm done with all the work I plan to do.

I hope I don't get addicted to this process any more than I already have. There's 9-11 tattoos I already have planned out alltogether, I don't want more than that. I don't want to over do it and look disgusting. Blegh. Most of them are really small though. So it's ok. :)

Apparently I'm too cute to be gay??




hahaha. That's what this girl at the club said tonight. She argued with me while we danced about whether or not I liked girls.

I would just like to tell the world that I love Mathew McHugh with all my heart.

Jeff Dunham, Peanut & Jose FULL!
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